The mind crawls through time.
Sometimes I feel more like shit after a meditation than before, yet I still feel like I learn a lot, am prepared for more. So here are things that my mind says. And yet, they are directed at myself, not the rest of the world. Even the ego state of deep unconsciousness sacrifices itself. The mind fears extinction, it fears change, it wants its own interpretation of reality to supersede alternatives. The mind claims attachment on cosmic grounds. It says one, there is the first primordial responsibility. I can barely articulate the level of guilt mom is successfully able to fully enable. Her illnesses and competence to chain my focus home. The endless series of limiting beliefs. The mind saying, ‘you are not enough here or anywhere.’ The dislocation of judgment, of objectivity.
The inability to transcend deep unconsciousness, to freely dismiss deeply embedded thought structures.
The mind saying, ‘you are chained to her illness, you are chained to your brother’s illness, you are chained to thought form, you will not be free.’
The mind saying, ‘you are not enough, you will never be enough, no one will ever love you, you will never be a success at anything.’ The mind always saying, ‘it is too late for you, for salvation, for absolutely anything.’
The expression of time is exhausting, is Spirit dying.
The condition for the expression of time is attachment to thought form.
The expression of time as is writing is literature aged in thought form, is the infinity pools of past, the thingness of the event endlessly. Articulating its walls, its borders, its limiting structural reality. Articulation of reality and perceptions thereof are filtered through ideology, the essence of unconscious addiction to mind. The perceptions of past becomes a narrative movie that replays an old scripted ideology en perpetuity. The conscious awareness of past, present, of awareness itself, is key to unidentified states of Being.